| Indian Gays Step Out By Kavita Chhibber Narula
South Asian gays emerge to challenge the
staid conventions of the community.
Have
you ever experienced the claustrophobic feeling of being
in a deep dark abyss, imprisoned by despair, rejection,
violence, bigotry and above all ignorance? Not just
from the mainstream, but even more so from within your
own community? Welcome to the world of the gay and lesbian
South Asians in America.
Ancient Indian literature may be littered with stories
of same sex relationships between men as well as Gods,
according to authors Ruth Vanita and Salim Kidwai in
their highly acclaimed and popular book Same Sex Love
in India, but that is not the tradition of contemporary
India.
Being homosexual in the South Asian community is extremely
painful and heart wrenching, because even before dealing
with society's reprobation, most gays have to deal with
their own internal homophobias and denial that they
can be anything but heterosexual. Even so, more and
more South Asians in the United States are stepping
out of the closet, and at relatively younger ages and
by so doing are challenging the staid conventions of
the community.
Siddharth (name changed to protect privacy), 25, the
only child of two physicians, says that he was brought
up to believe that there are no gay people in India.
Siddharth, who works for a national television network,
recalls, "In my high school, which was in a rural area,
nobody I grew up with was openly gay. There were not
even TV shows dealing with the issue of homosexuality.
I went to college in a big city and saw two guys kissing
for the first time. I was so shocked, because I never
thought something like that happened in real life or
was even talked about. I never thought I could be that
way or that this could even be a life choice for me."
Dr Aditya Kar, a professor at Georgia State University,
says growing up in Calcutta, he knew he was attracted
to men, but lived in denial and continued to date women.
"Sexuality is never talked about in any way in South
Asia, so sexual orientation was one step further away.
I finally came to the United States to search my soul
and find out who I was. Talk about being in a closet,
I was at the farthest end of it, and in America it was
not easy to fit in. Here, my skin color, my accent and
then my sexuality made me a minority of the third order."
Navarun Gupta, an engineer pursuing studies at Florida
International University in Miami, Fl., who lives with
his partner Sam, says he figured out his attraction
to boys only after coming across one of his father's
psychology books, which described homosexuality and
how people in the West acknowledged the lifestyle and
were at ease with it. It was not until he went to college
that being different from the others really hit him.
"I felt like an outsider, it started affecting my studies.
People would make fun of gay people, so I did not have
the courage to approach anyone. It was a secret I could
not share with anyone, friend or family and it starts
to eat you from inside."
Ifti Nasim: "Why was I chosen for
this torture, why couldn't I be like anyone else, get
married, have a wife, a house and children. I became
deeply religious and would go and pray to God incessantly
to change me, my desires.”
Ifti Nasim, a well known Pakistani poet, said that he
was similarly anguished when he realized he was gay.
"I wanted to be a straight man because my father was
straight and I had no role models to be anything but
straight. Outwardly I appeared very strong, but deep
down inside I was very scared. It was a very sad existence."
When one of his close friends got married, Nasim cried
all night, and wondered if he would be alone all his
life. "Why was I chosen for this torture, why couldn't
I be like anyone else, get married, have a wife, a house
and children. I became deeply religious and would go
and pray to God incessantly to change me, my desires.
I must have some kind of very strong spiritual and intellectual
conviction or ideology or I would not have survived.
On top of that my older brother found out and he hated
me and he used to beat me black and blue."
That same religious conflict tore at Faisal Alam, who
came to United States at 10 and at 16 decided to embrace
Islam, becoming very involved in the Muslim youth movement
as well as mosque activities. At the same time, he was
battling his sexual identity. His first gay relationship
occurred at 16 when he met an American convert in the
mosque. "I would have a wonderful time in his company,
then come home and cry reciting verses from the Koran
that condemned homosexuality." The relationship shattered
under the strain. Alam was engaged at 18 to a Muslim
girl. Eight months later she broke off the engagement,
saying she felt that something was very wrong with this
relationship.
"What was very wrong was obviously that she was going
to marry a gay man," recalls Alam.
Soon after began his dual life, where during the day
he would be brother Faisal Alam, a role model for every
Muslim youth, and at night he indulged in a fast pace
gay lifestyle. As his ideology and sexuality clashed,
Alam had a nervous breakdown. Lying in the hospital,
watching his mother stay with him day and night, her
anguish and pain made him all the more determined to
live honestly from then on. "I grew up with the ultimate
dream of marrying a woman; I always saw myself in the
bridegroom's chair. I also grew up being told a gay
Muslim was an oxymoron and I knew deep within that there
were others like me, who needed help from isolation
and depression."
The forum to connect South Asian gays like Alam is a
South Asian gay magazine Trikone, which is currently
edited by Sandip Roy, a former software engineer and
currently a full time journalist. It started as a four
page newsletter in Silicon Valley in 1986 to reach out
to other gay South Asians. Roy was growing up in Calcutta
at the time and says that the classified ad page in
Trikone was the most widely read section of the magazine.
"I remember getting the magazine in the late 1980s and
being petrified of receiving it. I would meet people
through Trikone and the classified ad page was the only
safe way of getting to know someone. I knew in high
school that I was attracted to men so I never considered
dating a woman. I just kept struggling to come to terms
with the consequences."
From my perspective, the best way to eradicate homophobia
is to dispel ignorance on sexuality.”
Salman Hussainy, a mental health therapist at the Pacific
Clinics in Santa Fe Springs, Calif., who came to the
United States at age 13 from Pakistan, says he always
knew he was attracted to men, but being homophobic suppressed
it totally. When he moved to college, he started volunteering
at the college's gay and lesbian resource center and
attending support groups, but it still took him two
years to come out to himself and others, integrate his
cultural and sexual identities and accept that he could
be gay, South Asian and Muslim. "But when I went to
the mosque I still hid my sexual orientation."
It is a feeling with which South Asian lesbians can
surely identify. Far more South Asian men than women
seem to be visibly gay. However, lesbian relationships
between women have existed from ancient times, according
to former table tennis star Giti Thadani in her book
Sakhiyani, which traces lesbianism in ancient and modern
India. South Asian culture encourages strong bonding
between same sex members. The love, empathy and understanding,
which emerges as a result of the segregation of sexes,
often crosses the fuzzy barriers of platonic and non
platonic love.
Anjali (name changed) who is in the information technology
sector, grew up in a very conservative family and always
knew she was attracted to women, but never looked at
it as anything sexual. In college, Anjali fell in love
with her best friend and things came to a head. "I didn't
know how to make a sense of it, because in our culture
women bond so closely. At the end of my second year
I had a breakdown and went into a pretty deep depression.
I didn't feel safe telling anything to anybody around
me, because all I saw was homophobia."
For five years Anjali was depressed and even attempted
suicide. As she pulled through she decided she would
not live a fake life anymore. A lesbian girlfriend took
her to gay clubs and gradually Anjali started dating
women and acknowledging her lesbian identity.
Rashmi Choksey, an office manager for a software consulting
company in Los Angeles and currently president of Trikone,
says she suppressed her feelings of attraction to other
women, because she was intensely homophobic. When a
good friend asked her if she was gay, she was horrified
and denied it vehemently. It was only while attending
a self-help seminar that Rashmi realized it was time
she started living her life honestly and when another
friend asked her she did not deny that she was a lesbian.
The journey was far more tortuous for Shilpa (name changed),
an academician from an elite, high profile, highly educated
family in South India and an incest survivor. At 20
she ended up in an emotionally and physically abusive
marriage. After getting a divorce she came to study
for her PhD in the United States, where she first heard
the word lesbian. She says knew she always had intense
relationships with women. "I think there are people
for whom it's clear cut. For me an understanding of
what I desired was muddied by the sexual abuse I had
suffered. I think one of the painful secrets a lot of
lesbians hide is that they are incest survivors. It
is easier to be a lesbian than that."
Shilpa returned to India and started a relationship
with a close friend Aditi (name changed), and asked
her to move to the United States with her so they could
live together, but Aditi refused. "It was a very foreign
concept to her and though she said she loved me she
could not imagine being married to a woman." Shilpa
went on to marry a man who was her closest friend, who
understood and accepted her sexual identity. When Aditi
moved to the United States after her mariage, Shilpa
rekindled their romance. "My husband knew of my relationship
with Aditi. Her husband found out and he hit the roof.
I ended the relationship because it was taking its toll
on me. I couldn't live in a closet any more. What is
interesting is that neither of us felt any internal
homophobia that we were doing something that was wrong.
These feelings came from years of trusting and sharing."
Once South Asian gays acknowledge their sexual orientation
to themselves, the next step is gaining acceptance from
the family. That can be hard.
Navarun Gupta: “It was a secret I could not share
with anyone, friend or family, and it starts to eat
you from inside.”
Siddharth, being an only child, ended up getting caught
when his mother read some emails he had written to his
gay friends while overseas. His parents confronted him.
Siddarth panicked and denied that he was gay. "It's
just the way we kid each other," he told them. Before
his final exams his father called him crying, "I need
to know that you are not gay." A panicked Siddarth hung
up on him. "I think it had been on his mind and I don't
think he believed my denial and needed some reassurance
from me. I almost thought of committing suicide."
Finally he decided to go home and talk to his parents
about it. The first time he tried, his father went into
deep depression, stopped eating and going to work; his
mother cried, but reassured him that she would always
love him. "I was literally watching my father die in
front of my eyes. At one point he even said maybe we
should all commit suicide. It was the worst thing I
ever went through and I said I'll do everything to become
straight."
Two years later Siddharth had an affair with a man.
One day he was watching a TV documentary on gay teens
being kicked out of their houses by their parents when
his father walked in and demanded to know why he watching
it. "He said, 'I thought we had already gone through
this and that this is a closed issue,' and I said you
know I don't think it is, and it started all over again.
He stopped eating and going to work, but this time I
was more prepared for it. I said to him that he was
being selfish and my mother stood by me. She said whatever
you do you'll always be my son and I'll always love
you. The first time it came up, dad brought all these
books on psychiatry with the chapters on homosexuality
all highlighted and how you can suppress the feelings.
My father thinks I am suffering, being the way I am.
He doesn't realize how happy I am, though I have told
him." Siddharth is in a loving relationship with a middle
eastern man and wishes his father would accept his partner.
Kar began dropping hints to his younger brother, but
the more he tried the more homophobic his brother acted.
He saw a wedge developing with his parents and brother.
"Drifting away from the three people I loved the most
was more scary to me than the fact that I was gay."
Aditya came out to his brother who has been very supportive
since and then went home to tell his parents. "It was
not easy for them. It has taken them six years to become
comfortable with it. There were no tears, no emotional
blackmailing. If anything they have been very supportive,
but I had to give them space. Also they had no support
group in India."
Gupta decided to come out to his family after his parents
started pressing him for marriage. He first told his
best friend in India and then his sister Vismita. She
stopped him from telling their parents just then as
she wanted to acclimatize them to the concept. Thus
began a two-year struggle to do just that. She recalls,
"My brother was the perfect son. Affectionate, brilliant,
his school academic records are still unbroken. How
do you tell Indian parents their only son is gay? I
am not very religious, but there were times I would
sit in a temple and pray, that God please make it all
right, let my parents survive this."
She began by telling her parents that she was planning
a documentary film on gays and lesbians in India. Her
father's response, "Why not make a film on poverty?
I don't know why you media people have to go for sensational
stuff." Two years later Gupta came home and told them
he was gay. "It took my mother a long time to accept
that," says Gupta. "They were also worried about my
sister. If word gets out my sister might have trouble
getting married. They said to me, 'Don't tell anyone
else, not even your closest relatives, even the ones
who live in America.'"
Vismita Gupta says she on the other hand would tell
every prospective bridegroom she met that she was doing
a film on gays and lesbians. "It was very important
to me that the guy I marry should be very comfortable
with this because I am not going to lie to my children
about who their uncle is living with and they should
know and respect it. I could see that most of them felt
uncomfortable, and these were very highly educated guys
and some of them lived in America."
Even families that come to terms with their children's
sexual orientation are apprehensive of the community's
reaction to it. Janak Desai, a gay engineer working
for Hewlett Packard in Atlanta, who came out of the
gay closet while a student at the University of Wisconsin,
first told his sisters, one of whom told his parents.
"The reaction was, okay we are glad you told us and
don't worry about it, but don't tell anybody. I never
had any fears that they will reject me and there was
no hysterical reaction, but I could see that my parents
were really hurting. They really didn't know what was
going on." His sisters even expressed the hope that
this was a passing "phase," as being gay "was not the
natural thing," but they have since recognized that
he is happier as a gay man.
Roy returned home to come out to his family, hoping
that breaking it to them in Bengali would soften the
blow, bringing a physician friend in tow, just to be
safe. "My parents are more resigned to the fact that
I am gay than accepting. My mom would be thrilled if
I came and told her well, this is it, I decided I would
like to marry."
Explains Roy: "When people come out in the West they
move away from the family. There is this element of
family rejection on both sides. In the South Asian family
it's the reverse, the whole family goes into the closet
with you, and you often hear, 'Don't tell anyone; it's
a secret shame for us.' There is not the rejection that
you are not my son anymore, but at the same time the
shame is there. The biggest misconception among the
straight South Asian community is that the lgbt (lesbian,
gay, bisexual, transgender) community does not exist
and I genuinely believe that our parents and family
really do care about us, but they also really believe
their children can't be happy in this lifestyle and
we need to try and show to these mothers and fathers
what it is to be happy, and reinforce the point that
I am coming out to you so I can be happy and you can
be part of it. It is my attempt to be closer to you."
Roy adds that, being a Hindu, coming out for him was
a social process and not a religious issue, since Hindusim
is more accepting of homosexuality. "My Muslim and Catholic
friends are deeply troubled about their homosexuality
and how it conflicts with their religion."
Faisal Alam (center): “I would have a wonderful time
in his company, then come home and cry, reciting verses
from the Koran that condemned homosexuality.”
Alam agrees. "We are dealing with an issue that has
been neglected in our community for 1,400 years. Homosexuality
has always existed, especially in the Islamic culture,
and was flourishing and dominant until colonization.
The amount of homophobia that exists in the South Asian
and Muslim communities is the product of colonization.
I do believe that Islam needs to be reinterpreted."
Alam says Muslim imams and scholars are divided on the
issue of homosexuality. "There are a handful of parents
who accept their children and speak against homophobia.
When they do they too are marginalized and become the
pariahs who everyone needs to avoid. My fear is that
we may end up becoming like our parents and that these
experiences are going to change our familial lives."
The desire to help and connect with other gay Muslims
gave birth to Al-Fatiha, an organization headed by Alam,
that helps gay Muslims come to terms with their sexuality
and offers peer counseling. Unfortunately for Faisal's
parents, he became such a celebrity, his organization
covered by all the major media, that his coming out
became a public circus.
"My parents and relatives came to know through the media
that I was gay. It was a triple slap in my mother's
face. First not only was her son gay, he was telling
the whole world about it and also telling the world
that it was okay to be gay, when very typically in the
South Asian community taboo secrets are shoved under
the carpet and everyone lives in denial. My mother had
kids come up to her at the mosque where she taught Sunday
school and taunt her, 'your son is a faggot.' She disowned
me for six months. I am slowly rebuilding my relationship
with her." Faisal says his parents are tolerating his
sexual orientation, but still have a hard time accepting
it.
Salman Hussainy recalls how he initially showed his
parents movies that were related to gay people, like
the one on Greg Louganis, the gay Olympic diver who
has AIDS. His mother, while sympathetic, warned him
to be careful working on the AIDS project, so that he
didn't become like them. At that point Hussainy responded,
"Mom, I am one of them."
His mom was terrified, he recalls, saying, "You have
to go and pray at the mosque everyday. This is all wrong;
why did we bring you here. You have become this way
because of the western influence. What will the family
think? Your dad and grandma will have a heart attack."
Husaainy says, "She actually meant herself, but wouldn't
say that! My father on the other hand said, 'He is our
son, we love him. I don't understand it, but if this
is what he wants then we have to support him.'"
Choksey came out one by one to her siblings, who after
the initial surprise and denial were very supportive,
though her older sister suggested she not tell anyone
and live a life of a quiet spinster. Choksey refused:
"You mean while all of you get married, have children,
and a family and live happily, I just watch you be happy
and remain lonely? I don't think so!" One thing that
really helped her was the fact that her family loved
her. Choksey's mother was the last to know. "She is
accepting, but still cannot come to terms with it. She
does not want others to know, and wants me to keep a
low profile, but my relationship is very close with
her. She worries about who will take care of me in my
old age."
Vismita Gupta Smith made a critically acclaimed documentary
on Indian gays. “The essence of our culture is only
for straights and not for your gay or lesbian kids.”
Because of the societal pressures, it is not uncommon
for gays and lesbians being forced by family to get
married and having affairs on the side. Adnan (name
changed), a gay Pakistani Muslim software engineer,
fought with his family, but finally gave in to their
pressure and married a beautiful, well educated Pakistani
woman. They have been married for five years and she
still does not know that he is gay. He has affairs on
the side and says there is a pool of other South Asian
men doing just that. Besides, he says, he loves children
and thinks getting married is the simplest way to have
a child.
Gupta remembers his mother telling him, "Maybe you can
get married and still have boyfriends. I was shocked,
but she said that's the way it happens here. Family
and kids should come first, and what you do on the side,
is your business."
Says Dr. Ramki Ramakrishnan, of the University of Texas,
Austin: "There is no denying our society is patriarchal
and propagating the family line by producing a son is
the sacred duty of every male, especially in Hindu culture,
which is a subset of Indian culture. So everybody gets
married no matter what their sexual orientation may
be. As long as they marry and perform their duties of
having a family, and taking care of their children,
society often turns a blind eye to whatever else they
may do, especially if they are men. These double standards
are also coupled with the fact that women have much
less social and economic mobility and fewer opportunities
to leave home and go on sexual explorations than men."
Some gays have decided to confront these double standards
head on. BJ, a chief financial officer with a major
company in California, and her lesbian partner Kamila,
were married last year after being together for seven
years. Enter Salman Hussainy. He is a good friend of
the couple and is the father of the twins BJ is carrying
by in vitro fertilization. Both BJ and Kamila had considered
adoption and an anonymous donor, but decided that since
the children will have an unusual upbringing it was
best they not be burdened by the question of who their
father was. Salman says he is very excited and all three
of them are very close and committed to raising the
children together.
While some members of the South Asian gay community
are beating the odds and living life on their own terms,
gay activists are taking up the cause to educate the
South Asian straight community, which by and large repudiates
homosexuality as a "western disease."
Kar says that most parents, who came to the United States
in the 1960s and 70s, are very conservative, even though
a majority of them may not have been that way when they
were living in India. It has been easier for South Asians
living in South Asia to come out to their parents than
the ones who grew up here, he argues. "The former are
seeing the changing times in India while the latter
have a warped view of India, and movies like Kabhi Khushi
Kabhi Gham add to that unrealistic viewpoint."
Siddharth agrees: "Growing up I had always heard that
homosexuality did not exist in India, that it was a
purely western thing. My father told me that in the
West people are very quick to categorize people as black
or white, straight or gay. In India things traditionally
flowed much more, especially in Hinduism, and he told
me that I shouldn't feel pressured to pick one path
or pick one category. From that day I have used that
philosophy, but I feel that it is his hope that I'll
become straight."
Ramakrishnan says that South Asian American youth, who
grow up in mostly all-white surroundings are subjected
to racism and internalize some of it. Even though there
is rampant racism within the U.S. mainstream gay community,
and South Asian gays are not necessarily accepted fully,
some of them are so happy to be accepted in any circles
at all, that they overlook the racist undertones, because
they have a hard time reconciling their gay orientation
with their South Asian identity, which is totally dismissive
of them.
"It is for this reason that social and support groups
such as Trikone and mailing lists such as Khush and
Desidykes are important," Ramakrishnan says. "To provide
a sense of community and show that alternate sexuality
and South Asian culture can be reconciled, and that
they are not immiscible identities."
Dr Aditya Kar: “Sexuality is never talked about in
any way in South Asia, so sexual orientation was one
step further away.”
Navarun Gupta's sister Vismita Gupta Smith, went on
to make a critically acclaimed documentary on gays and
lesbians, titled For Straights Only. She says, "There
is not even a respectful Indian word to describe homosexuality
in India and I would feel very anguished at the thought
that all those people who love my brother and look up
to him are just going to be disrespectful once they
found out he was gay. You have jokes about this terrible
portrayal of people who are gay and insinuations that
are perverse, especially in Hindi movies. I got married
four years ago and when I took my husband to India there
was this big ceremony, indicating social, legal, emotional
acceptance of this complete stranger from 300 relatives,
and my brother has been with his partner for over 11
years, and there is no recognition. So the essence of
our culture is only for straights and not for your gay
and lesbian kids. That is a sad, sad statement."
Shilpa says the younger generation still faces the difficult
challenge of talking to their parents and siblings.
"Even though they are born and brought up here they
are living as if they are living in the India of the
1960s. They have no language with which to talk to their
families. I am amazed at the number of second generation
South Asians who are so abysmally conservative and extremely
homophobic. I feel that the struggles in some ways haven't
chanegd and they are even more isolated in some ways
than I was."
That can only change by creating visible role models
for future generation. Alam says, "I think if we are
not out then how are our nieces and nephews and cousins
going to come out. They will still have to go through
their internal struggles, but at least they won't face
the external struggles that we faced. Right now we have
no South Asian elders as role models for the lgbt community."
Ultimately, Ramakrishnan says, "From my perspective
the best way to eradicate homophobia is to dispel ignorance
on sexuality. I believe in the inherent goodness of
most people, and that given the choice and enough information
they will not be homophobic."
Left Out of the Margins
Bisexual and the transgender people are two less visible
segments of the lgbt community. According to the authoritative
Kinsey Report, which compiles data on human sexuality,
almost eight in 10 people have some characteristics
of bisexuality, wherein an individual feels attracted
to both sexes.
However, bisexuals have to confront not just the homophobia
of the straight community, which brands them as promiscuous,
even though most are in strictly monogamous relationships,
they also face derision from the gay community, which
considers them closet gays, hiding behind the veneer
of bisexuality because they are afraid to come out.
Not surprisingly, therefore, that a recent study by
the Australian National University found that bisexuals
"had the worst mental health on measures of anxiety,
depression and suicidality."
Ramki Ramakrishnan, who came to the United States nearly
ten years ago for graduate studies in biology and teaches
at the University of Texas in Austin, says in adolescence
he found himself being attracted to both boys and girls.
"In the gender-segregated society we lived in, opportunities
for 'fooling around' were much more readily available
with peers of the same sex. I thought everyone in my
circle was like me. So when I came to the United States
it was very surprising to find that there were some
individuals who were not attracted to men and others
who were not attracted to women."
When Ramakrishnan told his father of his attraction
to both men and women, his father simply said that though
these desires were natural and most people had them,
eventually he expected Ramakrishnan to get married and
have a family. "Even though his message was that it
was preferable to get married to a woman, I was struck
by his statement that same-sex feelings were natural,
and by the fact that he didn't put same-sex desire down
by calling it a perversion or sin."
Ramakrishan says, "People have this misconception that
bisexuals are promiscuous. I have been in strictly monogamous
relationships and most of us are perfectly content with
that. If people have made up their mind something is
abnormal they can come up with as many reasons as to
why it is so, and if there are people who think otherwise,
they too can come up with a variety of reasons to prove
their point. Why can't we approach this from a humanistic
viewpoint that people have the right to love whomsoever
they want to, as long as it is consensual?"
Pooja a bisexual student in her 20s, says that growing
up she dated men, because of internalized homophobia
and led a fairly promiscuous life. However she finds
her current relationship with a woman far more intense
and fulfilling. Pooja has confessed to her parents that
she is bisexual and is graduating soon. Her parents
expect her to get married. "I am very confused, and
I feel they are taking advantage of that. At times one
gives in and the sacrifice results from not just thinking
about the family, but the entire community and how you
will be perceived."
At the bottom of the heap is the transgender community.
According to Raja (name changed), an MBA, who works
in Georgia, the word transgender includes the whole
gamut of heterosexual cross dressers to androgens, to
transsexuals to effeminate gay men. Raja was the youngest
of four siblings and as long as he can remember he never
felt like he was a girl. He decided that some day he
would become a man. Finally between 1998 to 2000, he
completed his transition from female to male and adopted
a male name.
Growing up, Raja says his idea of transgender people
were the hijra community. "Now I realize the transgender
community is the western version of the hijra community
in a loose parallel. We are just more educated and intellectually
advanced."
He says he built a strong support system and an extended
family before he finally told his father and siblings.
" Every transgendered person comes to this point, where
he/she has to ask this question, 'If my family disowns
me can I go on?' I was ready, but my father's acceptance
just blew me away. He said, 'Raja, my son, why did you
not tell me, I would have helped you.' One of my brothers
disowned me. There was a major theological discussion
what a cardinal sin it is against Islam and that I would
be hell bound for eternity. We won't be able to show
our face in the community. No one will marry our daughters."
Raja says he told them he was the same person they knew
and that he has made his peace with God. Raja was initiated
into a Sufi order last year. "That has been such an
overpoweringly beautiful experience. I almost rejected
Islam because of the fundamentalist right wing interpretation
of the faith".
Raja, who heads up the southern association for gender
education, in Atlanta, says his activism is education.
"You can't stand in my shoes. At best you can sympathize.
I am not looking for acceptance or approval. All I am
asking of you as another human being is just show me
respect."
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End Of Article.....
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